erroneous cd - realtime review
Track 1, Same Old Road begins with some Pink Floyd-esque choir voice keyboards and guitar before careering into a weird country/80's MOR mix. The drums are definitely fake, which doesn't bode well for the rest of the album. The guy doesn't have a very strong voice, it might be endearing in the right context, but not this one. For some reason, the guitar solo just panned right to left. It fades out at a merciful 4 minutes. Unsurprisingly Windows Media Player hasn't picked up on it.
Track 2 continues the onslaught with hammond organ, oh, and wait, the cowbell has just kicked in. The drums are sounding even more fake on this one. He's not going mad with vocal cliches just yet, just had "going for gold" though. The drums are ridiculous. He's rocking a Brian May tone on this one, emphasised by the three-part harmony licks. This guitar solo panning left and right too, more rapidly, but it seems to be a favourite trick of Bill. By the way, it's called "Where is the love?". Searching for it on media player's album search function...
Track 3 is more of a ballad, he's layering sickly piano over keyboard strings - i'm not talking about realistic keyboard strings, i'm talking about the voice setting you had on that keyboard you had when you were 10. The piano is also fake, but not quite as blatant. It seems Adrian Wagner is to blame for the mixing and (possibly) the idea to smother this with every keyboard sound going. Media player has failed to find the cd. This ballad ("Private World of Dreams" btw) has decided to forego the MIDI drums but we are treated to an oboe solo. Not real of course; i'm beginning to wonder if his voice is real. I've got to skip this now before i go insane - onto "Share this Road". Bill seems to have a thing about roads.
This has what i would call 'church piano' at the start - that's slightly chorused and very bright piano. Bill implores us to "spend some time with me" - i will gladly will as long as he doesn't bring any instruments with him.
Oh my word! Track 5 starts with very sexy 80's drums and... SOUNDBITES OF A WOMAN MAKING 'WOMAN NOISES' AND SAYING "MORE!" AND "THAT'S IT!" Oh, okay, it's about a prostitute called Rosie. Still, this is an inexplicable departure from the rest of the album and i'm glad it's over.
This is more like it, track 6, "No Big Deal" goes back to 80's guitars, hammond organs, weird panning and, yes, the cowbell! We're at the mid-pont of the album so i guess i should explain it. A while ago i heard a CD by a female folk singer called Bill Jones, which i liked a lot, occasionally i trawl ebay for the album i heard but after losing out to a sniper i decided to try one of her other albums. At any one time there appear to be 3 or 4 different albums by said folk singer - one was stuck on 50p so i just whacked a bid on it.
Track 7 is the least offensive so far, it's almost Beatles-y, almost. His guitar lines actually work in this one. Anyway, so i won the album "From Life's Diary - Volume 1" by Bill Jones and eagerly awaited its arrival. On opening the envelope i quickly realised something was wrong. Firstly, it had a picture of a 50 year old guy on the front, secondly, it was from 1990, a good 10 years before any albums by the Bill Jones i knew.
Track 8 must be the 'rocky' number. Things are panning round my head like crazy; either that or i'm going mad. This one is called "Angel with Black Wings" and is Bill's bitter break-up song; that's not to say he doesn't attack it with trademark limp-wristedness. The thought of watching him sing this makes me a bit nauseous.
More cowbell and we're into Track 9 - "Sharing your stuff". This is a more laid-back bluesy number. And he's using playing card metaphor; come on Bill, i thought you were better than this. He's also ripped off wholesale the 'Money for Nothing' riff, in fact, i'd go as far as to say he loves Dire Straits. This is another of Bill's breakup songs; it's beginning to sound like this album was a direct result of a messy divorce, and was probably heard by a total of 10 people. Another wildly-panning guitar solo.
Track 10 is 7 minutes long :( I'm wondering how exactly Bill is going to fill this time - so far it's more fake piano and synth swells. Oh, and a keyboard flute solo; he's really working the woodwind section. 2 minutes in and nothing much has happened. Okay, he's rocking the jazz chords now - i can dig that - oh wait, we're back into Pink Floyd-ian whimsy. No drums thus far. I doubt anything in the next 3 minutes will be much of a revelation. Just noticed the last song is over 6 minutes as well! Anyway yes, it didn't take me long after opening this to discover i had made a grave error; this was not my obscure female folk singer, it was in fact an aging rocker. What are the chances? Track 10 is taking far too long to fade out.
Right, 11. Another bluesy number and he's cracked out the harmonica. Actually he has mad skills on the old blues harp. Again, this song might be okay if he actually had any balls - he should be singing introspective emo-folk really.
Okay, last song, bear with me, you're doing really well. This one's called "After the Storm" and starts, rather predictably, with more brooding, but not really brooding, synth noises. If i'd been producing this, it would've been way more stripped down and organic; it would've made a semi-decent country album, instead of the soft-rock/MOR/prog disaster it actually is. The fake drums are back, as long as they remain understated Bill might just get away with it. So yeah, i reckoned i would make the most of a bad situation and review this album in real-time. After this, i will decide the best course of action for it - i've got to say, so far the bin looks like the ONLY option. Another Dave Gilmour solo, just waiting for it to start moving around between my headphones... okay, so it's staying dead centre for the time being, but he's fluffing notes all over the shop. Not that i care about that, but i think with something this sterile sounding, a little ducking of fluffed notes wouldn't go amiss. A bit of vocal gymnastics from Bill, something approaching character! He really has saved the best till last. And we're done.
Well, i don't know about you, but i really feel like Bill has taken me on a journey, through the valleys of heartache and despair, over dewy hills, up and down seedy midnight streets and out the other side - a new morning and a triumphant future.
10/10
Track 2 continues the onslaught with hammond organ, oh, and wait, the cowbell has just kicked in. The drums are sounding even more fake on this one. He's not going mad with vocal cliches just yet, just had "going for gold" though. The drums are ridiculous. He's rocking a Brian May tone on this one, emphasised by the three-part harmony licks. This guitar solo panning left and right too, more rapidly, but it seems to be a favourite trick of Bill. By the way, it's called "Where is the love?". Searching for it on media player's album search function...
Track 3 is more of a ballad, he's layering sickly piano over keyboard strings - i'm not talking about realistic keyboard strings, i'm talking about the voice setting you had on that keyboard you had when you were 10. The piano is also fake, but not quite as blatant. It seems Adrian Wagner is to blame for the mixing and (possibly) the idea to smother this with every keyboard sound going. Media player has failed to find the cd. This ballad ("Private World of Dreams" btw) has decided to forego the MIDI drums but we are treated to an oboe solo. Not real of course; i'm beginning to wonder if his voice is real. I've got to skip this now before i go insane - onto "Share this Road". Bill seems to have a thing about roads.
This has what i would call 'church piano' at the start - that's slightly chorused and very bright piano. Bill implores us to "spend some time with me" - i will gladly will as long as he doesn't bring any instruments with him.
Oh my word! Track 5 starts with very sexy 80's drums and... SOUNDBITES OF A WOMAN MAKING 'WOMAN NOISES' AND SAYING "MORE!" AND "THAT'S IT!" Oh, okay, it's about a prostitute called Rosie. Still, this is an inexplicable departure from the rest of the album and i'm glad it's over.
This is more like it, track 6, "No Big Deal" goes back to 80's guitars, hammond organs, weird panning and, yes, the cowbell! We're at the mid-pont of the album so i guess i should explain it. A while ago i heard a CD by a female folk singer called Bill Jones, which i liked a lot, occasionally i trawl ebay for the album i heard but after losing out to a sniper i decided to try one of her other albums. At any one time there appear to be 3 or 4 different albums by said folk singer - one was stuck on 50p so i just whacked a bid on it.
Track 7 is the least offensive so far, it's almost Beatles-y, almost. His guitar lines actually work in this one. Anyway, so i won the album "From Life's Diary - Volume 1" by Bill Jones and eagerly awaited its arrival. On opening the envelope i quickly realised something was wrong. Firstly, it had a picture of a 50 year old guy on the front, secondly, it was from 1990, a good 10 years before any albums by the Bill Jones i knew.
Track 8 must be the 'rocky' number. Things are panning round my head like crazy; either that or i'm going mad. This one is called "Angel with Black Wings" and is Bill's bitter break-up song; that's not to say he doesn't attack it with trademark limp-wristedness. The thought of watching him sing this makes me a bit nauseous.
More cowbell and we're into Track 9 - "Sharing your stuff". This is a more laid-back bluesy number. And he's using playing card metaphor; come on Bill, i thought you were better than this. He's also ripped off wholesale the 'Money for Nothing' riff, in fact, i'd go as far as to say he loves Dire Straits. This is another of Bill's breakup songs; it's beginning to sound like this album was a direct result of a messy divorce, and was probably heard by a total of 10 people. Another wildly-panning guitar solo.
Track 10 is 7 minutes long :( I'm wondering how exactly Bill is going to fill this time - so far it's more fake piano and synth swells. Oh, and a keyboard flute solo; he's really working the woodwind section. 2 minutes in and nothing much has happened. Okay, he's rocking the jazz chords now - i can dig that - oh wait, we're back into Pink Floyd-ian whimsy. No drums thus far. I doubt anything in the next 3 minutes will be much of a revelation. Just noticed the last song is over 6 minutes as well! Anyway yes, it didn't take me long after opening this to discover i had made a grave error; this was not my obscure female folk singer, it was in fact an aging rocker. What are the chances? Track 10 is taking far too long to fade out.
Right, 11. Another bluesy number and he's cracked out the harmonica. Actually he has mad skills on the old blues harp. Again, this song might be okay if he actually had any balls - he should be singing introspective emo-folk really.
Okay, last song, bear with me, you're doing really well. This one's called "After the Storm" and starts, rather predictably, with more brooding, but not really brooding, synth noises. If i'd been producing this, it would've been way more stripped down and organic; it would've made a semi-decent country album, instead of the soft-rock/MOR/prog disaster it actually is. The fake drums are back, as long as they remain understated Bill might just get away with it. So yeah, i reckoned i would make the most of a bad situation and review this album in real-time. After this, i will decide the best course of action for it - i've got to say, so far the bin looks like the ONLY option. Another Dave Gilmour solo, just waiting for it to start moving around between my headphones... okay, so it's staying dead centre for the time being, but he's fluffing notes all over the shop. Not that i care about that, but i think with something this sterile sounding, a little ducking of fluffed notes wouldn't go amiss. A bit of vocal gymnastics from Bill, something approaching character! He really has saved the best till last. And we're done.
Well, i don't know about you, but i really feel like Bill has taken me on a journey, through the valleys of heartache and despair, over dewy hills, up and down seedy midnight streets and out the other side - a new morning and a triumphant future.
10/10
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